not_that_lockon | ± ten ±

I told her that in our first conversation back on Eos. That she could have a normal life and have friends--which she has here. I thought she was growing away from all that! [looks away] I could've kept a better eye on her, but I didn't...

She is growing away from it, she just needs time.

Did you ever stop and think for a second while you were out their fighting the creatures with her that they might have been other passengers? Or perhaps the missing crew? Haven't heard from them yet and what a better way of putting a muzzle on the whole operation than turning them into mindless drones who attack anything but their master, the Captain! Or perhaps not since he's seemed to have disappeared right along with them.

How would you feel then, hmm? Releasing a human weapon on innocent people who have no idea what's going on with them and have had all their choices taken away from them?! And even if they weren't real people, they were living creatures all the same and no matter who or what they are, they deserve a chance to live.

That's what I tried to explain to her. That she doesn't have to punish them for doing what comes naturally. Yes, they hurt her friend, I understand that--the young man's a close acquaintance of mine and I even warned him to be careful so she's not the only one upset he got hurt--but that is not a reason to go out and kill every single last creature there is! Did you even stop to think that in her rage to punish them, that she could lose sight of herself and kill you or Neil or Oliver right alongside them?! Or everyone else in the maintenance hub?! Where would you draw that line, eh?

You draw it before the blood starts to flow. The best way to not fight a battle is to not have one in the first place.

What else was I supposed to do, tell her that she couldn't go and why and then come back hours later to find that she'd gone off without me and done it anyway?! At least that way I could try and keep things under control at least a little! Don't try and make this my fault, Doctor, 'cause it isn't gonna work. If you're gonna change her mind, you're bloody well not going to achieve it by yelling at her!

[keeps his voice calm, so very calm now.] That's exactly what you should have done, and you could've stayed with her. The danger was great enough as it was with all those people in there with the creatures. Someone had to keep an eye on things here, make sure the people who can't fight were defended.

And I didn't start off yelling at her. I tried to reason with her every way I could to get her to see she didn't have to punish them.

And if her motives weren't all about punishment? You're not the only one on this ship who wants to protect people, and she's got just as much right as you have to want to do that.

If you only heard what she said...you'd have no doubt in your mind that punishment was the only thing she meant to achieve. And ohhhh, I'm well aware of that fact, Lyle Dylandy. That doesn't mean that I have to condone anyone's methods of doing so, especially that of a scared little girl. Especially when that method is through cold-blooded murder.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you see me as the bad guy in this, Lyle, but remember that I'm the one trying to prevent death here. I will not stand for anyone else to get hurt or die while I'm here--and that includes every living being on this ship.

When did I ever say anything about condoning it?! I'd settle for just trying to understand what she's doing. She's going about it in the only way she knows how, and while I sure as hell don't agree with it, it's no better or worse than some other methods I could think of.

I never said anyth--This is not about you, you fool! You wanted to talk to me about Haruhi and find out why she's been acting strange--and that's what I've been trying to explain! Instead, I'm getting this treatment because I scolded her! The world ends because one person got a slap on the wrist! If she didn't hear it from me, who would've told her that what she was considering is terrible and not to be tolerated, hmm?

"Understanding" doesn't enter into it for me. I've seen far, far too much--and yes, I've seen the results of human experimentation more times than I'd like. The pain, the suffering--all of it! It's all the same and just once I'd like to change that outcome.

And what would you have liked me to have done considering the circumstances, hmm? Stopped my own search for the door and, more importantly, for Ganymede and ruin the one chance I had of getting a hold of that man once and for all?! [never mind he failed there.]

[takes a breath.] What else is there to understand? She's scared--which is such a fantastic state of mind to be in when making decisions, might I add--and doesn't know any better. Or rather didn't as the case may be now since she's avoiding me.

Yeah, she's scared. But avoiding you doesn't show that she's learned any better, just that now she's also scared of what might happen if she runs into you.

[frowns severely] Nothing would happen.

She doesn't know that. [And in all honesty? Neither do I.]

Nothing would happen. If you think I'm the kind of man who would harm little girls, then you clearly have the wrong impression of me.

Then what did you say to her that has her so spooked?

[he's been expecting this question for a while, so there's little hesitation with his answer.] I told her the situation was far more dangerous than she could even imagine. And I forbade her from killing anything...and that I didn't want to hear if she had.

[Slight silence here while he processes that... putting two and two together with how much the Doctor seems to hate killing, he probably said it in a way that sounded threatening to her. Oh, what a bloody mess...]

[waits; wondering if what he's said has finally gotten through.]

[mutters under his breath]

Maybe you two just need to talk, then. Because whether you meant to or not, Doc, you've got her pretty scared of you.

Scared of me? Or perhaps feeling so guilty, she can't bear to face me?

I'm going with the former.

[shakes his head] No, she'd have nothing to be afraid of if she didn't do what I fear she's done.

She's a lot smarter than any of you lot give her credit for. If she was treated like the teenager that she is and not some little child that needs to be coddled every time she scraps her knee, maybe she wouldn't be so scared of being told what she can't do!

Being smart and having life experience aren't the same thing.

You don't need either of those to know when you've done something wrong.

Besides, do you think this ship is the place for her to regain some of her lost childhood?

Edited 2009-05-06 20:58 (UTC)

If it's even possible for that to happen, I don't see why not. When else is she ever gonna get the chance? We don't even know what'll happen even if we do manage to stop that crazy captain.

[he's not sure either, so he's not going to address that right now.] Many things are possible in this universe, Lyle. But once your childhood is gone, it can never be brought back. Only trying to do so will stunt the growth she needs right now as a teenager and not a child.

[smiles faintly for the first time this entire conversation.] But that doesn't mean you still can't have fun and play games.

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